Helping Mum Move

11 October 2024

My mother Marj, in her 80s, bought a new house a couple of months back.  Dad died in late 2019 and their home since 1985 was a bit much for her without him. 

Mum and Dad married 1958 in New York City while Dad was there for graduate studies at Columbia University.  They moved to Melbourne in 1962 for Dad to take up a job with CSIRO.  Mum looked around for a house to buy and pretty soon settled on Beaumaris as the perfect place to live.

They found and bought a small house at 5 White St, but after popping out four children in five years, it was too small.  So a major extension was undertaken in 1969.  That’s where I grew up, with some of my earliest memories during that extension, like one of the workers making me a hat out of folded newspaper.

Sometimes, out of curiosity, people attend public open houses in their area despite having no intention of buying a house or moving house.  Mum likes to attend open houses.  She wandered into an ‘open for inspection’ of a 2-storey house on a double block surrounded by trees, about 300m from 5 White St.  Mum loved the double block full of trees, but was not impressed with the house. She told Dad it looked like a renovator’s nightmare. It didn’t sell. Six months later, it was again on the market and Dad suggested they look over it together. Long story short, in 1985, they bought the house, the pool, and the double block full of trees; they moved 300m.

Mum loves Beaumaris.  She loves the bay, the beaches, the trees, the cooling effect of the bay on the weather, …  She made the right decision in 1962 and has never looked back.

In 1999, a corner house near Mum and Dad was torn down and replaced with two houses, the rear one all on one level.  Watching as it was built, Mum and Dad reflected that if they ever wanted to down-size from their current place, they liked that rear house fronting onto a side street.  It had a nice layout, a garage and a low-maintenance courtyard.

A few years back, Mum and Dad were aging and Dad in particular was moving more slowly. I asked if they had considered moving to a smaller place without stairs.  Discreetly, Mum told me that the stairs were crucial for Dad’s regular exercise regime.  Without stairs to walk up and down, he mightn’t get enough exercise.  End of discussion.

After Dad’s death in 2019, Mum realised how much he did.  Maintaining the house, the large gardens and trees, the pool, trees dying, limbs falling on the house – it was all too much for Mum.  After 3 years or so, she had the pool removed.  But still, it was all too much.

Anyway, a few months back, the house they’d identified in 1999 as a great future down-sizer came up for sale.  Suddenly, Mum considered buying it and moving.  She bought it and now she’s moving 150m to the house she first considered a quarter century before when it was just being built. 

We joined Mum on settlement day going into her new house for the first time, and shared a bottle of bubbly to celebrate.

Having lived in just two houses for over 60 years, Mum is not experienced at packing and moving.  Ignoring the advice of her children, Mum is clear that she doesn’t want the stress and confusion of moving everything all at once.  So she’s moving gradually.  She packs a few boxes and other small items in her car, drives them around the corner, then unpacks and organises her things in the new house.

Since settlement, Antigone and I have been spending one day a week with her, helping Mum to sort and organise and move.  Some items we carry around the corner.  Some days we load some furniture into Mum’s trailer.  As Mum places items in their new places, she measures and reflects about what else will work with them.

Each week Mum is keen to show off what she has done since the previous week.  She is able to handle planning a day’s worth of moving things, whereas planning a move all at once would be overwhelming.  It’s rather lovely watching her delight as she gradually eases herself into her new space.

6 weeks since settlement, yesterday Mum was ready to sleep at her new house for the first time.  My sister Diana joined us with the moving help yesterday.  The four of us ate a first family dinner at the new house.  When Antigone and I left to come home to Coburg, Diana stayed at Mum’s to be with her for her first night.  Lovely for Mum to have somebody to share her excitement with.

No fridge yet.  The one at the old place is worn out.  Mum has asked my brother Steve to buy and deliver a new fridge for her.  She’ll feel much more comfortable at her new place when she has a fridge.

Today, Mum shared on the phone about her first night in her new house.  She appreciated having Diana for company on her first night.  She loved the absence of possum noise, but told me off because she did not appreciate the oven alarm going off at 3am.  Yesterday, after briefly turning off the mains power, the burglar alarm triggered (which Steve called around to sort out) and the appliance clocks needed resetting.  When trying to set the oven clock, I had accidentally set the oven alarm for 3am.  Oops.  Sorry Mum.

12 October 2024 update

Mum’s second night at her new place was much more restful than her first.  No 3am alarms.  Steve delivered the new fridge and Mum loves it.  She has transferred her food and plans to eat at her new house from now on.

It delights me to hear about Mum’s joy in working out her new house.  It’s great seeing her having fun.

15 October 2024 update

We spent another day yesterday helping Mum, together with Steve and his trailer. While Mum prepared things at her old place, Steve and I moved a couple of sofas, a buffet and a large cabinet. This time, the highlight was returning with Mum to the new house for dinner – Mum’s delight at seeing for the first time her furniture carefully placed in her new house where she had instructed.